He’s pretty obviously a heck of a human being, which his pure conviction and all the work he does off the field substantiates. There would never be an argument there. Likewise, there is no debating he was a great college quarterback. I personally find it excruciating to watch him in any NFL game, but that doesn’t appear to be the issue with him. That Denver won several games this season – in dramatic fashion – is being somehow tied to Tebow’s beliefs, and more directly, to his kneeling in prayer at different points of every game.

Hey, maybe God does care about our little, playful contests down here. Maybe my highly spiritual friend was blessed with the perfect combination of tiles and spaces to put our Words game out of reach. Maybe prayer can produce hotels on Boardwalk, the 8 of spades to complete a straight, and a touchdown pass on the first play of overtime.

I asked Roger Staubach why he never knelt in prayer during his games, or for that matter, ran to the endzone to celebrate his TD passes, and he replied “It’s just football.” Ok, that conversation never took place, but can you imagine Captain America saying anything different? My personal preference is for players like Staubach and Barry Sanders, who was arguably the greatest running back we’ve ever seen, and who handed the ball to the referee after every TD. But to each his own. Again, I don’t mind Tebow’s message, his agenda. I’ve got pretty thick skin. But I’m more partial to the delivery of…say…Josh Hamilton, who also does great stuff off the field, will tell anyone that listens about his faith bringing him back from the brink, and who crosses the plate and casually runs to the dugout. Because it’s just baseball.

Only my preference. Heck, maybe Tim’s been praying all this time for a quicker release or just plain ol’ NFL ability. He should pray long and hard that he won’t be carrying a clipboard by mid-season in 2012. At that point, “tebowing” will look a tad self-serving.

Meanwhile, I continue to wait for divine intervention to assist me with a 7-letter word…with all vowels.

The next notice that read “Lee to Phillies” could not have compounded my pain any more – it really didn’t matter where he landed after that. All that mattered was that Lee’s four-month stay with Texas was over and that the look of the pennant-winning Rangers had changed dramatically.

Ironically it was Craig who let me in on the best Rangers news I had ever had. On July 9th I was traveling with the family when I received three rapid texts in a row from him:

“I don’t believe it”
“Where are you?”
“Did you hear about it?”

When I managed to text that I was driving, he finally called with the stunning news that Cliff Lee was now a Ranger. When I hung up, I told my wife, “We’re going to the World Series.”

I watched his first start from a lakehouse in Corsicana, as he got roughed up by Baltimore, 6-0. And you know, Cliff wasn’t totally lights out down the stretch, ending up 4-6 with Texas. But those four wins, and the ensuing playoffs, were miraculous to watch. Media types didn’t need to keep asking him questions after each game – his answers were the same. “I see what the hitters are doing and I adjust” was the regular answer, and as mundane as that explanation was, on the diamond he had flat-out mastered it. He literally threw where he wanted…every time. Pitches on the outside corner, inside corner…down the middle, in the dirt…long, arching curve balls and fastballs down the middle…it was baseball surgery at its best.

After Lee’s 2nd win against Tampa Bay in the first round, which sent the Rangers to the American League Championship, Jim Rome said of him, “Cliff Lee isn’t just carving up hitters, he’s killing souls.”

That’s what Game 3 of the New York series looked like – and it went down as the greatest Rangers game I’d ever seen. I felt like Robert Duvall in The Natural, commenting in the press box on Roy Hobbes, “Doubles, homers, singles…he can do whatever he wants.” Applicable here, only with cutters, curves, sliders and…well…corner-painting fastballs.

Sure, he was less than stellar in Game 1 of the World Series, and unlucky in Game 5, but that doesn’t change his contribution in a mere 3+ months in Texas. In just that span of time, he made himself probably more legendary than any other Rangers player aside from Nolan Ryan himself.

For that reason, I’ll be rooting for him in Philly. Until, of course, he’s staring down Josh Hamilton in mid-May of 2011.

Don’t get me wrong – this in no way indicates I’m over it. It still sucks.

Ok scratch that…if you’re a parent, stay far, far away from the movie, My Sister’s Keeper. I’m mainly talking to the men here, as stuff like this usually pulls the women in right after watching all the taped episodes of Oprah. And I don’t quite understand that. The story is absolutely devastating, and of course, forces you to internalize the situation and wonder “what if…”

I did think Jason Patric was great: didn’t say much, but his eyes said pretty much everything. I thought Cameron Diaz was good – so good in fact that it was her character (and not just her) that has perpetuated my lack of appreciation for her. But it is Sofia Vassilieva that is flat-out remarkable in this. Not since Linda Blair in The Exorcist have I sat back and wondered how a young-ish (think she’s 17 here) actress can get her mind around such heady stuff and pull off a complete transformation.

I’m not necessarily reviewing the movie – why would I when I told you to stay away? I mean, if you are currently in the middle of a several-year stint of utter happiness, and just want to change things up for two hours, by all means – look for it on cable. But if not, avoid the depression with The Hangover or any movie about killer robots.

Andrew – Clubber. It’s not like his name was Ron “Clubber” Lang.

John – Ron Lang.

Andrew – Just Lang, Clubber.

John – Roll call: “Lang? Lang? Clubber Lang?”

“Next to do his oral report will be Ron.” / “I TOLD YOU I GO BY CLUBBER, FOO!”

Andrew – Ron Lang. Could you imagine if he just had “Ron” on the back of his robe when he’s going to fight Rocky.

John – “And in this corner, the challenger, weighing 250 pounds, the one..the only…Ron Lang.”

Andrew – Just doesn’t have the same ring to it as Clubber.

John – “Ain’t so bad, Ron. Ain’t so bad.”

Andrew – “You want it, Ron, you got it.”

John – I don’t think Rocky ever says the word “Clubber” once in the whole movie.

Andrew – Never.

John – “Gonna bust you up.” / “Go for it, Ron.”

Andrew – “You won’t have to look to find me – I’m right here, Ron.”

John – “Nah, they weren’t setups…but they weren’t killers like Ron.”

Andrew – “You think I was tough? Ron will kill you.”

John – Sudden thought – does every heavyweight live in Philly? I mean, Rocky’s fights – Clubber’s there. Wrestling with Thunderlips – there’s Clubber. Statue? Clubber in attendance.

Andrew – I was thinking that the other night. Is Rocky even sanctioned to fight outside Philadelphia?

John – I mean, at least there’s reasoning behind having the fight in Philly in 1…but no mention of it in 2 and Rocky just drives to the ring. Only Creed fights Drago in Vegas – because then Rocky fights him in Russia. When this guy’s career ends, he has fought in two venues.

Andrew – Yeah – all his title defenses have to be in Philly, because Clubber is at every one of them. And if you remember in 3, the ring floor is the stallion symbol he had on his robe.

John – The introductions should be “and in this corner, the reigning heavyweight champion of the state of Pennsylvania.”

Andrew – Exactly. “And in this corner, from the boiler room in the basement of abandoned projects, Clubber Lang…”

John – Love when Rock and Creed first walk into Apollo’s gym. All these guys looking at him as if they want to kill him. Seconds later, “Hey Rock, come over here and meet some of the guys.”

Andrew – Right. Same guys are laughing at him when he can’t bounce on his toes. Apollo has got to be thinking “how did I lose to this chump?”

John – Right? Just look at him in the mirror and say “Dude, give me a rematch, this is ridiculous.” Which reminds me, what about Clubber’s loss puts him out of the picture? I mean, he won one, lost one. When Drago kills Creed in 4, he should have said “I will defeat all man – even Mr. T.” And then if someone had said “What about Rocky” he would reply in perfect English – “Please tell me you’re kidding.”

Andrew – Rocky is supposed to be retired after he wins the belt from Clubber, so in essence the belt should be open for the top 2 contenders to fight for, and you would assume Clubber would be one since he just lost the belt. It should have been Clubber versus…I don’t know…Jericho Jackson…or some random guy ranked #1.

John – I was watching the Clubber fight closely to make sure he didn’t jab even once.

Andrew – No – all haymakers.

John – How is Rocky suddenly able to bounce a ball after the beach scene?

Andrew – Ok? In 1 and 2, you always seem him walking around and bouncing a ball, but suddenly when he’s training in 3, he can’t bounce a ball.

John – And then miraculously gets it back after the beach. “Hey Rocky, what suddenly gave you any kind of rhythm?” / “Oh, that would be my talk with Adrian.”

Ok, it’s only my dream. And admittedly I’m forcing the issue. But it’s not like my son had requests for his iPod; let’s just say I’m steering him in the direction he needs to go. None of this is new. From the get-go, both kids have been surrounded by selected music designed to condition them to recognize greatness. Scattered among Fergie and Britney on their playlists are No Doubt, Mark Knopfler and The Police. Daughter, Kate has no problems belting the chorus to Every Little Thing she Does is Magic, before mechanically laying down Boom Boom Pow. But again, has to be my influence.

When my wife finally went out with friends when Kate was 3 or 4 months old, and I had my first go-round standing guard over the junior princess, I spent roughly two hours glancing from the TV back to the swaddled girl – standing all the while – and wondering how I was going to put her to sleep. When the time came, I took her into our bedroom and just sort of…moved…rocking her from side to side and thinking for one second about “the anthem”. There was simply no reason to believe my house was bugged by friends who would pay to hear the words “Rock-a-bye baby” come out of my mouth, but I knew I would hear it and that was enough. For what seemed like fifteen minutes, I tried to think of anything in my mental catalogue that could be construed as a lullaby, while retaining my credibility. And then it hit me. For no reason at all, the first verse of Tea in the Sahara (The Police from Synchronicity for anyone wondering) came forth, and by the end of the song, she was asleep.

Now, I don’t regard that moment as the catalyst to what is currently their rather broad list of musical preferences, but it couldn’t have hurt. Sure, I play certain tunes for her from time to time – just to continue the progress. I have her take the chair in front of the computer while I bring up different stuff, a continuing education if you will. She smiles broadly at the beginning riffs of Shattered, and really, who wouldn’t? It’s become kind of an eye-opening experience for her to realize that there is other stuff out there other than Miley Cyrus and The Jonas Brothers. And son, Ryan, is following tightly behind. During a recent trip, he listened to Hella Good about ten times in a row. Does that become a little tedious? Sure – but it beats the hell out of even one verse of anything that is Justin Bieber.

The other day Kate walked up me while I was on the computer, and immediately the head started bobbing. “What’s that?”

“That would be a band called Collective Soul,” I said, standing. “Have a seat.”

Q: How did you get the injury on your hand?
OJ: I don’t know. The first time, when I was in Chicago and all, but at the house I was just running around.
Q: How did you do it in Chicago?
OJ: I broke a glass. One of you guys had just called me, and I was in the bathroom, and I just went bonkers for a little bit.
Q: Is that how you cut it?
OJ: Mmm, it was cut before, but I think I just opened it again, I’m not sure.
Q: Do you recall bleeding at all in your truck, in the Bronco?
OJ: I recall bleeding at my house, and then I went to the Bronco. The last thing I did before I left, when I was rushing, was went and got my phone out of the Bronco.
Q: So do you recall bleeding at all?
OJ: Yeah, I mean, I knew I was bleeding, but it was no big deal. I bleed all the time. I play golf and stuff, so there’s always something, nicks and stuff, here and there.
Q: So did you do anything? When did you put the Band-Aid on it?
OJ: Actually, I asked the girl this morning for it.
Q: And she got it?
OJ: Yeah, ’cause last night with Kato, when I was leaving, he was saying something to me, and I was rushing to get my phone, and I put a little thing on it, and it stopped.
Q: We’ve got some blood on and in your car, we’ve got some blood at your house, and it’s sort of a problem.
OJ: Well, take my blood test.
Q: Well, we’d like to do that. We’ve got, of course, the cut on your finger that you aren’t real clear on. Do you recall having that cut on your finger the last time you were at Nicole’s house?
OJ: A week ago?
Q: Yeah.
OJ: No. It was last night.
Q: Okay, so last night you cut it? Somewhere after the dance recital?
OJ: Somewhere when I was rushing to get out of my house.
Q: Okay, after the recital?
OJ: Yeah.
Q: What do you think happened? Do you have any idea?
OJ: I have no idea, man. You guys haven’t told me anything. I have no idea. When you said to me that my daughter had said something to me today that somebody might have been involved, I have absolutely no idea what happened.
OJ: I know I’m the number one target, and now you tell me I’ve got blood all over the place.
Q: Well, there’s blood in your house and in the driveway, and we’ve got a search warrant, and we’re going to go get the blood. We found some in your house. Is that your blood that’s there?
OJ: If it’s dripped, it’s what I dripped running around trying to leave.
Q: Last night?
OJ: Yeah, and I wasn’t aware that it was…I was aware that I…you know I was trying to get out of the house, I didn’t even pay any attention to it. I saw it when I was in the kitchen, and I grabbed a napkin or something, and that was it. I didn’t think about it after that.
Q: That was last night after you got home from the recital, when you were rushing?
OJ: That was last night when I was…I don’t know what I was, I was in the car getting my junk out of the car. I was in the house throwing hangers and stuff in my suitcase. I was doing my little crazy what I do, I mean, I do it everywhere. Anybody who has ever picked me up says that O.J.’s a whirlwind. He’s running, he’s grabbing things, and that’s what I was doing.

Phillip – “I was doing my little crazy what I do, I mean, I do it everywhere.”

Pretty much sums it up. He’s crazy and he knows it. He just thinks he’s smarter than everyone else to go along with it. Watched the “30-for-30” last night. Pretty amazing. No commentary, no interviews, just news footage and such. Did you watch yet?

John – I did …that’s why I was looking at some stuff this morning. I mean look at that sentence. What the hell does that mean? The police should have just said “Ok, stop man…this is what you just said to me…’I was doing my little crazy what I do. I mean, I do it everywhere.’ That makes me believe two things. You’re a murderer, AND an idiot.”

Phillip – NO DOUBT. See, that’s the thing… he leaks out little bursts of “crazy” every time he talks at length. Tell-tale sign. I mean, I would bet if you talked to Drew Brees for an hour, or Nolan Ryan or Troy Aikman – whoever – you’re not gonna come away from the conversation thinking “That guy is actually a little insane.” But, with OJ – and this goes to EVERY single interview or sworn statement or sound byte – you come away thinking “OK, there’s no doubt he killed those two people with his bare hands.” It’s plain as day. You CAN’T hide crazy. Crazy does not have a disguise. It always manifests.

John – Right? And he says he cut his hand in Chicago with a glass because he went a little crazy upon finding out about Nicole. Ok, why aren’t you still? Why aren’t you absolutely, uncontrollably grief-stricken at what has happened? With anyone that has died in my life, that I’ve known, I’ve been sort of in a trance…in disbelief. If it was any one of my immediate family, I cannot even comprehend what that feeling could be like – I don’t WANT to, you know? But this guy is being interviewed and he’s answering normally, even though his ex-wife (that he still supposedly loved) is gone…for good. I mean, you know if I’m being questioned (and I didn’t do it), I would have real trouble answering questions, because the questions pertained to the person I just lost…and how she was lost would just keep replaying in my head. I would be MESSED UP…I mean, that aspect of the interview sticks out as much as his unbelievable drivel does.

Phillip – Great point. I mean, someone I love just got BRUTALLY murdered, OK… and you’re gonna ask ME about a cut on my finger and how I did it… over and over and over again?!?!? If I’m innocent, I’m telling you to kiss my ass, go find the person who did this and stop with the ridiculous questions and/or trying to strangle you.

John – Exactly – it’s like Harrison Ford when he’s being questioned in The Fugitive…he’s teary eyed…trying to cooperate at first…until he realizes they’re leaning toward blaming him…and he just unleashes. “Are you suggesting that I killed my wife? Are you saying that I crushed her skull and that I shot her? How dare you! When I came home, there was a man in my house. I fought with this man. He had a mechanical arm. You find this man. You find this man!”

That is the response of an innocent man.

“I was doing my little crazy what I do, I mean, I do it everywhere.” —- That is not.

Phillip – No tears, no anger towards the police, no asking about leads in the case. Just: “I run, I grab, I’m a whirlwind.”

Craig – We were watching the NBA finals in a Baytown apartment when suddenly…”uh, what the hell…what is…is that…is that OJ?”

John – Pretty riveting stuff. I think the fact that I knew where I was, and that it was totally surreal makes me think it was more recent, and then I look at the date and realize I was 26. Amazing.

Craig – There are only a few things for me that are “i know exactly where I was” moments, and this is definitely one of them. I was 27. Now I’m beaten down by life and looking forward to heading to the bar.

John – Think about it…You lead police along the LA freeways in a low speed chase, after having left a suicide note, you have a gun in the car, you’re talking to law enforcement on the phone and talking about how it’s over…then finally taken in…have the infamous mug shot…and a day later, “I’m 100 percent not guilty.” Our justice system sucks. I get due process and all that BS…but there should be a provision that states “you have all these rights, however, if you do not turn yourself in at the time you were supposed to, flee justice in a bronco, AND your DNA is all over the crime scene, then it doesn’t matter what developments come out of your trial — you’re screwed.”

Craig – Which led directly to the racial divide over the verdict because of the 200 million killer whites who had the same situation and weren’t even arrested. Everyone on earth knows he was involved but it was ripe for the controversy. Blacks looked like a parade was going on and whites looked as angry as i have ever seen them. What a country.

John – Hey, I’m with you, ok. But I wouldn’t have cared if Buddy Ebsen was in that bronco…and on that stand…and trying that stupid glove on…and used to play for USC…and then ran through airports for Hertz. Just straight up ridiculousness.

Craig – I know – I wasn’t starting a tirade. It was just so…it looked like cowboys and indians.

John – Yeah, and there we were: a black guy and a white guy, living in an apartment, watching the reaction to the verdict on TV…and planning where we’re going to get a beer that night. Outstanding.

John – Hicks was trying to sell to a group that Ryan has a tiny piece with, but the lenders are holding everything up because they don’t feel they are being compensated enough, so the league might step in. They’re toast anyway. They’re overworking the bullpen, which means they’ll break down in July. And if they wanted to do something at the trade deadline, they don’t have the means to do it. So you know…this is all smoke and mirrors until the bottom falls out.

Craig – Oswalt is available, time to call DRAYTON MCLANE.

John – I don’t think they can get him. Ryan may have to come off the bench.

Craig – He throws that one pitch and walks off the mound like he did in Toronto or Seattle? Wasn’t it one of those two towns?

John – Was in Seattle. The saddest day in the history of baseball.

Craig – Never mind 7/4/39.

John – That doesn’t even register next to Ryan.

Craig – Lord help you at the time of judgment.

John – Man, Lou knows where I’m coming from. Even he looked down with a tear when Ryan threw his last pitch.

Craig – Man, Lou, Babe and Joe were playing cards, laughing and saying “If Randy Velarde took him out to centerfield in that hellhole stadium with metal bleachers in 110 degree heat, just imagine how far we would’ve hit it.”

John – Ok ok…I wanted to keep humor involved in this, but now you’re going a little bit over the line. Ryan made the best of the best of his era look like punks, and you’re going to tell me that those guys faced even ONE pitcher from their time and threw that hard? Man, Lou and Joe AND the Babe would’ve been sat down plenty of times…and Ruth would’ve spun around STRONG at the plate with that gut. That’s just the way it is!

Craig – In other words, it is humorous unless it involves Ryan or Staubach – now you wanna diss three of the greatest players of any era because you’re offended. Why don’t you just throw Aaron, Williams, Foxx and Mays in there while yer at it. I’m sure none of them would’ve contributed to his 292 losses. Strikeouts are one thing, and he is the king. Wins, 324, easy Hall of Fame accomplishments with a stunning amount of no hitters. But if you have longevity, which he is also the king of, and you are only 32 games over .500, it lends itself to the feast or famine argument. And if anyone feasts on pitching, it is every Hall of Famer, from 1923 to the present, FOR THE NEW YORK YANKEES! I like Ryan – arm strength of Zeus, durability of US Steel. But I’m talkin real men of hitting, so don’t be the guy complaining that HR hitters are on the juice and hitting in the new light ball era, then diss the dead ball kings because there was no speed gun then.

John – I will be the first to say Ryan could be hit, ok? And I’m not taking anything away from three of the greatest players there ever was – what I AM saying is that if guys like Joe Morgan and Pete Rose, who have said publicly they didn’t like hitting against him, can be struck out, then I think he would have had his fair share against those guys. Hell, I’d be very interested in knowing how many times those boys had been brushed back by 100mph heat…I mean, it’s not like Ruth is seen in the highlights ducking out of the way of a fastball and then popping back up – all in fast motion. You see so many highlights of him running the bases, it’s almost as if they were grooving 85mph heaters, and letting that guy swing away. They were great players, but I mean hell…you need to recognize.

Craig – Everyone got hit and brushed back then. Today all they talk about is how horrible it is that umps and the front office police the game instead of the players. Anyway, I’m not gonna sit here and let you diss Babe Ruth. You can go to hell. But I agree, he would have had his fair share. It’s a two way street.

John – Ok then…we’re agreed. Good lord, you act like Babe Ruth hung the moon…or built a stadium…sheesh…

Craig – That’s sarcasm right? Tell me its sarcasm and not blind stupidity so i don’t have to go off.

John – Man, I know what they call the stadium, ok??? At least the old one….
Ryan played for 47 years. You’re gonna give him his due, dammit.

Craig – That wasn’t your original point! Your point was it was the saddest day ever in baseball. I make a joke like I figure YOU were but you’re trying to goad me into it. Then you talk this ‘over the line’ crap…then it turns into an argument! I even admitted liking him! He and Reggie tipped hats to each other after Reggie broke up a no hitter in the 7th on Monday night baseball, but you wouldn’t know nothin about that. This one – the whole thing – is your fault.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/05/26/naming.names.importance/index.html?hpt=C1

Andrew – OK!!! It’s pretty obvious that Bill Gates, Al Gore, or whoever is in charge of this “internet” thing, has chosen to follow your blog as a guideline to what’s what. You can bet that tomorrow there will be an announcement that Bam Bam Bigelow is a write in candidate to the All-Star game.

John – Is there any question? Do you really think for one second that Vlad Guerrero is NOT in the clubhouse right now whispering “Dan Diddle…hmmmm…Dan Diddle…could it work?”

Andrew – Dude, have you seen this Tylenol recall stuff? The future wife and I were watching a show the other night about great inventions. And they were talking about penicillin and the polio vaccine. It makes you wonder who they first tried this on. “Hey Johnny, um let me inject this into your body. Tell me how this makes you feel. Oh, your heart feels like its gonna explode and your eyes are on fire…CANCEL THAT BATCH.”

John – Right? We’re always hearing people weren’t living near as long 100 years ago…gee, I wonder why?

“Doc, my throat still hurts. Think I have tonsillitis.”
“Hmmm…well it looks like vinegar isn’t the solution for that. Let’s try this arsenic out.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. Won’t be seeing you back in tomorrow, I’m certain of it.”

Andrew – YOU KNOW.
“Hey, this milk is old and spoiled…taste it and see if you live.”

John – “So we tried healing that cut with fresh lime juice, but that appears to be a little painful.”
“Maybe we try squeezing it into a beer.”

Andrew – “Well, did you hear that Jerry died from eating those chicken eggs. I just don’t get it, he eats them as soon as they pop out.”
“Maybe we should put them in a pan on top of a fire.”

John – “I guess we can wait a bit to see if he starts breathing again. I thought this turpentine would cure that stomach bug of his. But it sure kicked the crap out of this paint I got on my hands.” I mean, even today, if you don’t go in soon enough for bronchitis, you’re looking at pneumonia for sure. So just imagine having one of those deep coughs back in the day, and just knowing you’re on the clock. At age 15.

Andrew – Seriously. Imagine just having a headache back then. You were diagnosed with having brain fever and had to be burned at the stake.

John – All until Tylenol was invented. And now poisoned.

Andrew – Its all a big conspiracy. You are gonna tell me that we can invent the atomic bomb, but we have no cure for cancer, and that aspirin will kill you. They better sell that to someone else because I’m not buyin it.

John – You know? Next you’re going to tell me that Elvis and JFK are really dead, and not holed up with Kurt Cobain and Jose Lima playing cards somewhere.

Andrew – Lets keep it real. We know about Area 51, we know that Tupac is in the Bahamas. Why not just be upfront and tell us that 2012 is real, and that the only way to save yourself is if you have a Delorean with a flux capacitor.

John – That’s pretty incredible. I have 1 less hit than him…I should be on that ballot somewhere.

Andrew – OK! If the 4th place vote getter for the all-star game only has one more hit than I do, I think I should be able to participate in the Home Run Derby.

John – Right? I mean, it stands to reason! If some miracle should happen, and you have to call a guy up from OKC for the ALL-STAR GAME…only to send him back down after the fact, then I’m pretty sure I should be batting 4th in the old-timer’s game.

Andrew – Could you imagine. There is seriously a possibility that he could start a Triple A game one night, and play in the MLB All-Star game the next, and then not even make the Triple A all-star team. I’m gonna go ahead and be the starting pitcher for the old timers game as well.

John – I just looked up the A’s Kurt Suzuki – he has like 28 hits so far…man, that’s just not going to cut it.

Andrew – Among catchers, he is 2nd to last in the AL in avg (the last guy hasn’t gotten a hit yet in only 6 AB), yet he is in the top 10 in K’s. I’m pretty sure I could do that. I guarantee I could get two hits. You’ve got to be able to just close your eyes and swing and get two slow rollers that you should beat out.

John – “Ground ball to short…there’s the throw over and that’s out number one. Well, here’s Taylor Teagarden, who has taken over for Joe Mauer here in the 5th. Teagarden is only hitting .037 this year with one hit, but he is projected to collect 13 hits this year if he ever gets called back up by the Rangers. Just arrived on the bus from Oklahoma, and here’s the pitch…”

Andrew – I’m gonna make as many email addresses as I can and vote 25 times per email, just to try and get him in. Could you imagine…”Starting at catcher, just off the bus from a game in Des Moines…hitting a whopping .037…Taylor “not good enough for AAA but can start in the MLB All-Star Game” Teagarden.”

John – Would be the greatest thing. If the world can somehow get Betty White on SNL, then I’m sure we could campaign to get Teagarden in. “And Teagarden joins Pudge Rodriguez and Jim Sundberg as the only Ranger catchers in the All Star Game.” Man, his demise was already pre-determined by that name. There is just nothing remotely intimidating about Taylor Teagarden. Sounds more like an outdoor venue for women who like to get together and discuss Oprah. The moment he knew he was pretty good in college, he should’ve changed it to Razor Blade. Or Johnny Kill.

Andrew – That’s outstanding. “Now catching…Razor Blade.” Its true though, imagine if Vlad’s name was something like Dan Diddle. He would be the host of Design on a Dime.

John – Dan Diddle. From the Dominican. That’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.

I mean it goes back to that old discussion about Clubber Lang. There’s no question he was Bartholomew or something. He knew he was going to be a boxer, and changed it to Clubber.

Andrew – Exactly. The future wife and I have actually been discussing baby names. And for boys, we have settled on Vladimir and Spartacus. No lie. They have no choice but to be great athletes, or lead some sort of revolution. They will not be fashion designers or on Dancing with the Stars.

John -I mean, at the very least if you’re saddled with Teagarden, and can do nothing about it, at least choose something to offset. Like “Poisonous” or “Blazing”…